The move interstate was exciting. Loading up the car with all my stuff, folding down two of the rear seats to fit everything in, driving up with my parents in the car and stopping along the way to take photos, arriving at my uncle’s house at 6:30 pm and being greeted with warm hugs. It was exciting to see them again. It all felt so right.

The first two weeks were great. Visiting the Blue Mountains with my aunts and uncles, going around to my aunt’s place for dinner, then my uncle’s place for a barbeque to reunite with all the cousins we hadn’t seen in years, checking out possible rentals, starting work and telling my relatives how everything was going at my new job, showing them goodie bags I received when I started work and eventually moving into a place. My parents flew back at the end of the two weeks. It all felt so right.

After my parents left I felt a great sense of independence. Cooking dinner on my own, meal prepping, going out on dates, checking out jiu-jitsu gyms, exploring the city a bit. Little did I know that only after five months would I meet her; the most wonderful girl I’d ever met in my life up until that point. The first date was like magic and I told her I liked her right away. I still remember the moment I said it to her; we were walking and she was slightly ahead of me. We walked and talked until 1 am that night. It all felt so right.

After three years I was itching to move home for a while. I kept looking back at where I came from, I kept comparing the differences in the cities. I kept wondering about my parents and my brother. I kept yearning for a past that was never there. I needed to move back. Despite how amazing everything was, I couldn’t see the forest for the trees. I asked to try long distance and I suggested we move for a year but it didn’t pan out.

I moved back.

After only seven months I was made redundant. I knew it was a sign from the universe telling me to go back to her. After all, at that point we were still talking. But I didn’t say anything. I wasn’t brave like I was on our first date. I was scared she wanted to move on even though she said she missed me, and I said I missed her. I am an utter idiot and I am completely alone.

Now it all feels so wrong.

Don’t lose her.