To anyone out there who has found love in a city that you hate — maybe you’ve moved to that city for work and found love unexpectedly or maybe you took a gap year to work overseas and found love — and you are struggling to make a decision on whether to stay or leave, this message is for you.

Depending on how you feel about your partner, if you really believe they are the one, if you believe they are your soulmate and if you can see a great future with them that involves marriage… then you already know what your answer is.

Stay.

Do not leave that city and do not make your partner feel as though they are not valuable to you. If you leave it is guaranteed that, despite the connection you felt with your partner, despite all the times you cried together trying to work out a solution and despite the fact they loved you with all their heart and soul once upon a time, they will move on and find someone else. If they do that, they will end up hating you.

If you are struggling to live in a city that you hate, there are two things you need to work on: attitude and perspective.

Maybe you’ve already written a pros and cons list on staying or leaving and maybe you think that since there are 4x as many cons as there are pros that the answer is clear on what you should do next.

Despite what you think, it isn’t. Change your perspective and understand that the answer more about quality than quantity.

Maybe you are absolutely sure you hate the city you live in because you think it’s too hard to get around, you think it’s too crowded, you think that people are rude and aggressive.

Those things may be true, but I guarantee there will be parts of the city that aren’t hard to get around, that aren’t crowded and where people are kind and generous. Change your attitude to understand that you are not omniscient.

If you are struggling to live in a city you hate, I guarantee that you are not doing enough to change your attitude and your perspective.

If you are really struggling, I recommend you take a step back and look at all your experiences and memories, there are likely moments throughout your relationship that are burned into your memory so focus on those moments specifically. These moments are signs that you need to pay attention to.

Maybe your partner’s mum said something to you that you’ve never heard before. Maybe you found out that you and your partner coincidentally work nearby to one another. Maybe you felt a palpable connection with your partner on the very first date. Maybe you remember an emotional conversation with your partner once about how you were unsure what to do. Maybe you told your partner once that they were your home.

Whatever moments you can remember, whatever springs to mind no matter how inconsequential they may seem, analyse them all closely and figure out what each moment is really trying to tell you. Once done, take a step back and look at the bigger picture because I guarantee to you, when you take a look at it all you will see that the universe was pushing you towards your partner your entire life, and as a result of that you must stay.

If after working on your perspective and attitude (and by that I mean really focussing on dedicating time and energy on improving them) you are still really struggling then consider reaching out to a psychologist. You are likely stuck in your own head about how you feel and a psychologist should be able to help you.

Ultimately, it really doesn’t matter where you live. If you are with someone who you love deeply, who loves you deeply back, who you’ve made lots of special memories with and who you can see a future with, then you are already home.